Hey party people, it's Bill Simmons. Remember me? The sports guy.

I'm back with an all new podcast. What is it called you ask?

Well, I racked my brain for many months and finally came up with the perfect name.

I thought it would be only right to honor the greatest sports journalist slash pop culture guru,

slash internet sensation of the 21st century by calling it the Bill Simmons podcast.

Catchy, huh? On Mondays during the football season, I'll be guessing the NFL lines with my pal cousin,

Sal. I'm leading two to one in our guest aligns contest after three weeks. Isn't that right, Sal?

Yeah, well, that's because you cheated. Sal's right. I absolutely cheated. And then on Fridays,

I'll be making my weekend picks with my buddy Joe House. House was 15 and one against the spread

and week one. That's not a lie. Of course, he didn't make any money because he had the one loser

on all his parlays. Those are my friends. You'll hear them every week on Mondays and Fridays. Plus,

there'll be one bonus podcast during the week with the celebrity. And if I can't book a celebrity,

I'll have my dad on. If I can't book my dad or celebrity, I'll book dads of celebrities. And

then this spring, I'll be debuting my HBO show, but it's not a talk show. It's true detective season three.

I'm just kidding. I'm actually going to be starring as a new driver in the taxi cab confessions reboot.

And that's a joke too. No, I'm actually going to be Robert Durst, personal audio guy and keep on

Jinks and that's a joke too. I can go on and on and on. Back to the podcast. As you're well aware,

I haven't done anything in almost five months. So I'm either going to have a ton to say or I'm going

to be totally mowing it in. Either way, it's going to be great. Forget, don't get fired. I can't get fired.

It's my show. I'll finally be able to make fun of announcers and swear. I could say the F word,

the S word, and from time to time, I might even throw in a few HE double hockey sticks. I dare I

attuned to kick me off the internet. Anyone who says they aren't going to enjoy this podcast is a

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