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Guaranteed Human.

My boyfriend is furious that I ran away from a mugger.

Weird, sure, but I'm ending things because of what he said next.

My boyfriend is a big hero fanatic and he does everything in his power to be like one.

Now, it's really endearing and it's one of the many things that I do love about him,

because he wants to be the good he wishes to see in the world. But this mindset is why we are

fighting right now. We have been quarantining at my apartment, and he suggested we go on a night

walk since we've been getting a little stir crazy from being inside all day. He figured that it'd be better for social distancing to go out at night.

I was hesitant because we live in a bad neighborhood,

but he assured me that he would protect me.

The savior.

My hero.

My hero.

On our walk, we were cornered by a man with a knife that demanded our wallets. Man, that's not good. All right. The guy pulls you into a corner. Yep. Has his knife out. Boom. What's you doing? What am I doing? Yeah. Getting naked immediately. I was literally, I'm no joke was about to say the same thing. What are they going to do to a naked man? Do you run? Do you run at them?? Run at them. So you, so you're like pants down first. Pants down first. Like literally stare them right and I go, oh, like pants to the ground. Bodies drop to the floor. And then you go shirt because you first have to like start off with a bang. Right. And then you have to so he's like give you money give you money all right right and then just take your pants

off yeah take your pants like okay okay okay okay yeah hands off you know um see the problem is if it backfires

it really backfires he's like cut off your dick what does he gain he gains another dick

he gains another dick for his dick wall you think we're the first people that pulled down our pants for a mugging? He's been waiting for this. You think you're the first dick wagger to cross my path, buddy? Oh, I've been waiting for a kid like you. I've been waiting. Yeah. See, the problem is he's like, like the worst case scenario, he goes like, oh, yeah. You're like, give me that. Give me that thing. That's, I mean, if I'm a robber, that's what I'm doing. Yeah, that's special sauce. And if I'm being robbed, that's what I'm doing. But if I'm a rob, you're robbing people while naked play. No, no, So here's how plays, right?

I'm the robber, right?

Boom. Pull up with the weapon. I'm like, give me your money. And then the, and then the dude is like, oh, and just like takes his pants off. And then I'm like, oh, yes. Oh, wow. You play it back. That's all I'm saying. Yes, and. yes and

you got a yes

and your robbers

...