This is an I-Heart podcast.

Guaranteed human.

My evil coworker broke into my office,

stole a parking spot from someone with cancer,

and crashed my baby shower.

But justice is about to be served.

I hope so.

That's a lot of life ruining in a row.

You know, and Sam,

I truly wish those were the only things, but I'm afraid this is a

laundry list. I'm talking like, like scroll going down on the floor and down the stairs. There's

some doom scrolling at the end of it. It's just a nuclear meltdown. It is a doom scroll of

assholery. Truly. I love a little asshole Olympics.

Let's see what we are.

That's right.

So he's Michael Phelps of an avails.

Gold medalist.

Eight time gold medalist swimming through the water like a dolphin.

Starting off hot.

F.

you, Alan, hard.

That's my middle name. That is true. It literally is. F.U. Allen. That would be great initials. F. U. Allen. Yeah. My initials are sad. I mean,

...