The Presidential Debate Commission has delivered new rules to ensure that a presidential debate

doesn't break out at the final presidential debate. The Commission was formed in 1207 by a

Mary Band of Outlaws and Hampsteadly Forest, England. After the evil King John declared that

anyone who wanted to argue about politics would be banished to America after it was discovered

nearly 300 years later. The Commission now consists of seven members who, according to the charter,

must include two gay interior designers, a three-member Klesmer band, a Sicilian assassin,

and a fat woman named Pearl. Their absolute authority to set the rules of the debate has been

handed down from father to son ever since Democrats decided they could probably get away with that,

now that all the honest journalists had died in the great journalist purge of the year Obama.

According to the new rules of the debate, candidates will not be permitted to use any word that rhymes

with punter or riding or refer to any form of written communication invented after 1972,

or mention the fact that Joe Biden is a corrupt lowlife who's been on the take since the 70s.

The moderator will be a completely unbiased nonpartisan Democrat who will be equipped with a mute

button that will shut down the microphone of any orange-haired candidate who refuses to stop talking

while he's making a good point. After muting his mic, the moderator will apply an electric shock

until the orange-haired candidate either releases the screaming woman he is clutching in his

large hairy fist or admits that Joe Biden really is as great a guy as the Chinese Communist Party says he is.

The moderator will further be equipped with a fire hose to be used on any candidate named Donald

from either party if he should refuse to stop talking about the millions of dollars any other candidate

took to do favors for foreign dictators. The commission says these rules will ensure fairness

and may the best Joe win. Trigger warning, I'm Andrew Clayvin and this is the Andrew Clayvin Show.

All right, the dangerous right wing conspiracy known as Clayvin on continues. If you want to hear

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