Hello and welcome to Happier, a podcast that gives you strategies and ideas for how to build happier habits into your daily life.

This week we'll talk about how to control the cubicle in your pocket and why sending an actual invitation to an event can make it more fun.

I'm Gretchen Reuben, a writer whose studies happiness, good habits and human nature.

I'm in New York City and with me is my sister Elizabeth Krap and in truth we both definitely walk around with cubicles in our pockets.

That's me Elizabeth Krap, a TV writer and producer living in LA and yes Gretchen, this is the home that's going to be great for me because the cubicle in my pocket is loud and demanding.

Before we jump in I just wanted to report back to you because in episode 84 I said that I was going to use my wedding china because I felt like at some point as an adult I would become comfortable using my wedding china and the other night one of my three children's literature book groups I hosted and I use my wedding china so I have kept my vow and I actually used it good for you.

Yep and so Gretchen you had to hand wash it or you could put it in the dishwasher.

Well I looked online and now that pattern says that it's dishwasher safe but I kind of remember from when I got married you know years and years ago that they said not to so I did hand wash it and it was not that big a deal.

And I'm sure your book group enjoyed eating off lovely china instead of paper plates.

But Gretchen speaking of tableware we have mugs for sale my favorite thing in the world mugs yes we have happier mugs you can get them just with a happier logo or you can also get them with your tendency and the motto of your tendency on it if you want to have a tendency happier mug or you can just get a happier mug.

And I'll put the links on my site at Gretchenroobin.com at what'll be happier cast calm slash 89 I'll put a link on there if you want to get a mug.

Alright Gretchen so let's talk about this try this at home yes it's to control the cubicle in your pocket and I wrote about this in my book happier at home because I think one of the things that affects happiness at home is the feeling that you're never really away from work.

That yeah you have a cubicle but that cubicle goes with you wherever you go you stick it in your pocket and you're never really away from it.

Yeah I mean it really used to be that you would work nine to five and no one would call you or contact you after work.

Even when I started working that was the case email is sort of just starting and it wouldn't even occur to someone to email about work after hours.

But now most of us can be working all the time I mean of course some of that depends on the nature of your job and your office culture like if you're you know waiting tables that's not going to happen probably.

But most office jobs there's stuff that you can be contacted about after work right I mean I was very struck by something that Frank Lloyd Wright wrote you know the famous architect he said where I am there my office is my office me and that's my feeling like I just my office is traveling with me at all time and so the question is what do you do with it how do you handle it.

Because if you always feel like you're in your cubicle you're not going to get any feeling of rest no feeling of relaxation no time of time changing you feel distracted in your home life or in your leisure it's a big it's a big thing to deal with in terms of making your life happier.

Yeah and I also think it depends on where you are in your career like there are times when you're really you know climbing whatever ladder that you want to be the person that's available 24 seven because it makes you stay in your home.

Because it makes you stand out it makes you useful and your job and make it you know it it tells everybody that you're really serious about moving forward.

But you know as you gain more experience and maybe get older and have a more subtle life that you don't want to be on the playground with your child and then like only focused on answering email so it's a balance like I've definitely been in that place where all I cared about was work but you know now.

I don't want to be that person who's distracted you know during bath time well I think you put your finger right on it which is the key thing the first step for this to control the cubicle in your pocket is to say well what do I want my experience to be I you know not to just react to whatever people are like you know asking for your attention or but to really say like well what do I want my life to look like what what is my ideal and really try to figure out okay given that I want to be the best way to do it.

...