Israel and the Palestinians begun negotiating over President Trump's new peace proposal.

The media is calling the proposal pro-Israel because it allows some Jews to continue living

and requires that Palestinians occasionally dance the horror at weddings while humming Havana Gila,

although they don't have to sing the words if they don't want to.

Palestinian President Mark Mood Abbas immediately rejected the plan, saying that he might be

willing to talk about a two-state solution, but only if the number of states is negotiable.

Appearing it's strap-on explosives day at the local PLO Elementary School, Abbas said, quote,

the only way we can accept Israel's right to exist is if the word exists can be redefined to

mean something else, like ice cream or underwear. We are completely willing to accept Israel's

right to underwear so they won't be completely naked when we drive them into the sea."

Abbas also objected to Israel's constantly reminding him that Palestinian was just another way

of saying, Philistine, and he added that he was sick and tired of Benjamin Netanyahu sending him

those chocolate shaped like Donald Trump with little notes saying, eat this.

The Israelis also voiced some objections to the deal, saying it didn't allow Israelis to build

their houses in places where they're now Palestinian houses and that it warned Jewish

negotiators against downing a shot of vodka every time a Palestinian used the phrase, peace be

upon him, even though it does get on your nerves after a while. Some Israelis and Palestinians have

gotten together to try to develop their own separate peace proposal. That proposal includes some

original provisions like, for instance, Palestinians and Jews will only be able to continue killing one

another until Jesus comes, whereupon they will immediately stop if you get what I'm saying,

wink, wink. Jared Kushner, who developed the Trump peace proposal, said the PLO had not yet given

a formal response but had sent him some subtle signals like setting his pants on fire and blowing

...