Democrats are calling for a day of mourning for Cosm Salamani, the man who was called Iran's

most revered military leader by the Washington Post, where democracy dies in darkness if they

have anything to say about it. Salamani who was Iran's most revered military leader because he

was responsible for the deaths of hundreds of American soldiers, was in the midst of plotting more

such deaths when he himself died under mysterious circumstances, namely a missile decorated with the

words, dear Cosm, here's a missile in your ear from your friends in America, love President Trump,

and all my fellow Americans, except Democrats and the Washington Post. Soon afterwards,

Salamani woke up in paradise surrounded by virgins, although it was a lot hotter than he thought it

was going to be, and the virgins were large muscular men with tattoos that said things like,

welcome to hell, my new biatch. Crowds gathered to mourn Salamani in Tehran yesterday and then rushed

home in order to continue campaigning in Iowa. Bernie Sanders responded to Salamani's death by saying

quote, of course he was a terrorist, but who could forget his sparkling eyes, his charming smile,

and that little laugh that wrinkle disnose just before he slaughtered my countryman.

Unquote. Democrats Senate leader Chuck Schumer wept copiously as he issued a statement to the painting

in his basement of sad-eyed clowns holding puppies. Schumer sobbed quote, if only the president had

informed me of his decision to launch this strike, all this sorrow could have been avoided. Unquote.

These are the subtle jokes you got to pay attention. At universities around the country,

students poured out of their transgender theory classes to protest the US war and Iran.

They were led by congresswoman Alexandria occasional cortex who told the crowd quote,

we cannot defeat terrorists by killing them only when we stand by and do nothing,

well they realize they can never win. Unquote. When the students were informed that there

actually was no war and Iran, they returned to their dorms and continued smoking dope and watching

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