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Slack.com slash DHQ. It was a dramatic first day of impeachment hearings

watched by everyone who wasn't otherwise busy picking their noses or bleaching their

unmentionable parts. Eager to get off to a powerful start that would bring forward their

best anti-Trump testimony, Democrats introduced their star witness, Alexa, the electronic

information assistant from Amazon. Committee chairman Adam Gugli-I-Shiff started the

question saying, quote, Alexa, did the president demand a quid pro quo from Ukraine?

Unquote. Alexa answered, quote, a man passing the White House Tuesday overheard a guard on

the sidewalk booth speaking on the phone to his mother and saying he had met a janitor

who said he was cleaning an office in the West Wing when he saw an assistant to an aid

in the press department texting a disgruntled former employee of the State Department who

said he was willing to bet that old mini-Trump would do anything to bring down Joe Biden

who will be a terrific threat to him in the 2020 election if he can ever complete an English

sentence without his teeth falling out and his eye exploding. That text was recorded

by Facebook who was spying on everyone and recorded by myself who spying on Facebook

which is how I know Jeffrey Epstein didn't kill himself. Unquote.

On hearing the news, CBS anchorwoman Nora O'Donnell immediately assumed a fake looking

action pose and announced the testimony had been quote, a devastating bomb shell that would

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