Amidst the Hurley, an occasional burly of a presidential campaign, it can be easy to lose sight

of the basic questions that are before the American people. What the hell is a burly, for instance?

And also, what do each of the candidates represent? What are they promising to do for us and return

for our vote? Let's take a survey. On the Democrat side, their socialist senator Bernie Sanders,

who's promising to make us more like Europe, a dying society being overrun by Islamic

savages that hasn't produced anything particularly worthwhile since the steam engine. Feel the burn.

Then there's Hillary Clinton, who promises she can be Bernie Sanders too, or anything else you

wanted to pretend to be if you'll just give her the power and position she hungers for so badly.

Also, she promises to be a woman, which would be a first for her, I mean. For the Republicans,

we have Senator Ted Cruz, who promises to bring back limited government to adhere to the constitution

and to reinstate the traditions of American liberty. The weasel. Then there's Senator Marco Rubio,

who also promises conservative governance, but handsomer, and with a lot of Mexicans running around.

Jeb, exclamation point, Bush, promises he'll never become president, but will manage to take enough

votes away from Cruz and Rubio to give the nomination to Trump, ensuring Hillary Clinton ultimately

goes to the White House. Also, he has a nine-point plan to do something, which he'll be happy to show to

President Clinton after she takes office. Dr. Ben Carson promises he's going to make everyone

stop picking on him and being so mean. He doesn't know why people have to be so mean. It's just mean.

That's all. Next, there's what's his name, the other guy from Ohio, who also promised something,

but I had to go to the kitchen to make a snack and missed it. And finally, there's businessman Donald

Trump, who promises to continue promising things and allow aggressive voice that makes angry people

feel powerful. Among the things he's aggressively promising are a wall at the border that Mexico will

pay for, a much bigger military that will cost less, no cut in entitlement spending, more jobs from

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