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Slack.com slash DHQ. Twitter users from around the world are convening

in an international conference to find solutions to our worst problems like Twitter users from

around the world. The first annual meeting of the most vocal Twitter users has adopted

the theme, Screw You I Hate You Now Die, and will be held at a venue meant to represent

a real-world analog to the Twitter environment, namely a seething lake of fire under a sign

reading of band and all hope, ye who enter here. In speeches of 280 characters or less,

Twitter experts will address such pressing problems as, why don't people you disagree

with get cancer when you wish they would? And if people can't be civil and have a reason

to argument, why don't they just shut up and go to hell? Various Twitter experts will

put forward fresh ideas for solving the world's problems, such as writing the same sentence

five times in a row in order to alter the nature of reality, banning anyone who won't

admit that the nature of reality has in fact been altered, and researching anyone who

achieves anything of worth until you find some off-hand statement they made when they

were 15 years old so you can destroy their lives. Some Twitterers will deal with more philosophical

questions like, why do people celebrate the achievements of great men when anyone can

go on Wikipedia and see they were not as woke and high-minded as someone who never achieved

anything except tweets about how great men weren't as woke as they are? And why do people

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