Madonna says Jesus Christ would approve of abortion.

No, not the real Madonna.

Yes, the real Jesus Christ.

And no, I'm not making this up.

The superannuated pop star, who named herself after the mother of God,

says the son of the real mother of God, would approve of destroying a real human life

in the body of a real human mother and explain she had come to this conclusion

after a very long, hard period of having no idea what the hell she's talking about

and being an idiot.

Madonna told an interviewer she would like to meet with the Pope to discuss the matter

and went on to say she thought the Pope might actually be willing to meet with her to talk

about this.

Still, not making this up.

Madonna then imagined out loud what she would say to the Pope during their meeting,

which is not as odd as it sounds since imagining out loud what Madonna would say to the Pope

is a popular drinking game among people who've been drinking wood alcohol laced with hallucinogens.

Madonna said she would gently instruct the pontiff by saying to him, quote,

and yes, a real quote, let's talk about Jesus' point of view about women.

What do you really think?

He thought of women.

And don't you think Jesus would agree that a woman has the right to choose what to do

with her body?

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