While the rules for the first Democrat debates are now being made public, the 476 candidates have

been divided into two separate debates by random law, meaning Frontrunners Joe Biden and Bernie Sanders

will be in one debate while eventual nominee Elizabeth Warren will be in the other.

Since all the candidates agree that the long traditions of American success and freedom should

now be ended in favor of the slow economic and cultural death of socialism,

debaters plan to compete in other categories, such as trying to appear normal while violating

every precept of decency and propriety, trying to appear fiery and passionate while being

deeply corrupt and utterly cynical, and offering voters free stuff that would cost the combined

gross national products of the US, Europe, and Asia to actually supply. Debaters will also compete

to show just how committed they are to the strongly held beliefs of the Democrat base.

So for instance, the subject of abortion will be covered by a joint ceremony in which one

candidate sacrifices a six-month-old child while the other candidates gather around in black robes

chanting the Latin mass backwards. In the event the abortion ceremony actually conjures a demon

out of hell, he will immediately be declared the new Frontrunner. Since the candidates have

refused to be questioned by any reporter who might embarrass or even disagree with them,

there are also rules defining what questions the moderators will not be allowed to ask.

Among the banned questions are, do you have any plans to clean up the cities that Democrat

policies have transformed into hellholes, or do you plan to turn the entire country into one big

hellhole so no one will notice the cities? How long do we have to pretend to believe your nonsense

in order to feel good about ourselves? And instead of electing a Democrat government, wouldn't it be

easier if we all just moved to Venezuela trigger warning? I'm Andrew Cleven, and this is the Andrew

Cleven Show.

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