You're listening to this naked mind is Annie Grace, and welcome to this Naked Mind podcast and I'm here with

Carolyn. Hi, how are you, Carolyn? I'm good. Thank you so much and you for having me. Oh, thank you for

being here. So why don't you take us back to the beginning in your relationship with

alcohol? Where did it all start for you? Well, now that I've thought about it for quite some while,

I think it started when I really was a kid.

Not that I was drinking alcohol when I was a kid,

but my parents did, all the adults and my family did and it was always

connected to celebration and going out to fancy dinners and stuff so for me it was like drinking wine to a nice dinner and

it's all about having fun and coming together and family and stuff and didn't realize that time. and I know 1719 it was time that I got my own glass of wine when we get to a dinner and I remember that I didn't really drink the wine I just kind of with it my lips with it and pretended to drink because I didn't like the taste of it.

But having my own guts of wine made me feel mature and elegant and being part of the adult world now.

So that were the first memories I actually had about all this. I didn't really think I had a problem in a relationship with alcohol until I started studying and I chose one of the hardest studies you can at least

I can and it was very stressful and really really hard work and I noticed especially when there were exams coming up that I drank in the evening.

You know I studied the whole day and in the evening I did something to forget about all this and sort of relax, you know that.

And I noticed it wasn't really a good way to do it, but it was the only way I could think about.

And when the exams were over, I stopped drinking, so I said, hey, it's fine.

I got this under control, no problem at all. That's right. And I remember, you know, during the years, that was kind of my thing. When things got stressy when there was pressure and I couldn't handle things for any to escape,

that's when I started drinking. Still, I don't think that was a big deal or really an issue or something like that.

Things started to get really kind of wrong when I found myself in a relationship that was very toxic and it made me very sad and hurt.

In fact I didn't realize it did at that point.

I thought I was just drinking more, you know, to relax, to have good sex and all this stuff.

You know, have a good time, having fun fun it's what you do but then I noticed I'm not only

drinking when I'm with my partner and also drinking when I'm alone at home.

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