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With America heading for divided government again, both parties are beginning to talk about

a revived spirit of bipartisanship between the newly strengthened Republican Senate and

the ravening hordes of brain-eating anti-American zombies who will soon be roaming the halls

of the house looking for institutions and traditions to destroy and devour.

Possible speaker of the house Nancy Pelosi struck a tone of reconciliation in her election

night speech to a mob of tyrolean peasants who are carrying torches and screaming bring

us the orange monster. Pelosi told them, quote, tomorrow will be a new day in America, Wednesday

in fact, and the next day will be Thursday. After that, it's anyone's guess, but I can

confidently declare where am I. And would someone please remind me what my last name is so

I can pick up my Social Security check.

Soon to be head of the House Intelligence Committee, Adam Schiff joined in the Goodwill

effort announcing to reporters, quote, I look forward to working with the profiteous nest

of traders Russian vipers who have infiltrated this administration.

Unquote.

Schiff then tore off his full face mask and revealed that he was actually the late Senator

Joseph McCarthy and was promptly re-barried with a stake through his heart and a clove

...