Sir, we're receiving a distress call from the USS Mortensen. It's a science vessel.

Yes.

About 10 light years away.

Laying a course. Maximum warp.

Course laid in.

Can't wait to talk to all those scientists.

What's the nature of the emergency?

Unknown, sir. They were just examining a red giant that was collapsing into a blue super giant, which almost never happens.

No kidding. How big would that planet have been? It's a, those are stars. Oh. Okay.

Those are types of stars.

So what's the problem?

I don't know, sir. They just sent a distress signal and then... So they're looking at a couple of stupid stars, and now they're whining about it? Well, they're in distress, sir. You know what I bet it is? I bet that some kind of weird-ass virus was created by the collapsing of the star and they all went crazy and like cannibalizing each other. Ooh, that'd be a good one. Yeah. Cannibal stars? Cannibal giants? Cannibal giant stars. Stars will eat each other. Science. This is all just science. I know I probably should have paid attention in class. Just a bunch of gas, though, right? Can't they just fly through it and leave? It's actually plasma. It's not gas. It's a different phase of matter that's beyond gas. Look, there are three phases of matter. There's liquid. There's gas. And there is solid. You forgot the fourth, sir? Love. Yeah, solid liquid gas, love. Plasma. Fourth of Phase of Matter is plasma. I think it's love. Water doesn't become love. So I'm not beaming on board that ship is what I'm saying, because they're going to eat me. Yeah, it's very possible. Lucky, all of the types of love, feelial love, romantic love,

they all fall in that same category, right? They're not separate states that matter. Okay. Lieutenant Cola, can you check and see if we have some sort of anti-cannibalism suit, like an environmental suit to wear? Yeah, and if we don't have that, can I make it? Yeah, that'd be great. You guys aren't using empiricism or logic or anything to make these decisions. You're making wild, irrational decisions based solely on conjecture. Yes, Loram, you had your hand up? Yeah, is it like a spectrum of love? Like, from like erotic to like he said filial and... Yes, of course, there's erotic love. There's physical love. There's the love I have for every crew member on this ship. Are there seasons of love? There's seasons of love. Are there seasons of matter? Crick? No! Crick! I want you to wear this dunce cap. You go into the corner. It's a Starfleet issued dunce cap. Put it on and go in the corner. Thanks, Hanson Licking.

Captain, I'm only doing this because you told me to and because you're my superior officer.

Seriously, Crick, most of the time that a science vessel sends a distress signal, they've all become cannibals or something like that. So I don't care what your science says. This is just statistics. There's just other things that could possibly... Maybe they got attacked by Klingons. Maybe they are being manipulated by a godlike being. Oh, are we here to play a maybe game? Or are we here to get things done? You guys are playing a maybe game. You've just decided that your maybe is a yes. Lady Cola, do you need my measurements for the anti-cannibalism suit? Well, actually, I was just going to say, Captain, yes. We don't have an anti-cannibalism suit, but we do have an anti-pirana suit. And I wonder if those two things would be that different. Yeah, I would say we can just adapt that pretty easily.

...you know, we can just adapt that pretty easily. Space, the final frontier.

These are the voyages of the starship's Sisyphus.

Its five-year mission to explore strange new worlds,

to seek out new life and new civilizations,

to boldly go where no one has gone before.

You're listening to the Improvise Star Trek with Chris Rathchin as First Officer Corbyn White Hayes.

Sean Kelly as science officer, Crick Watson.

...