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After a big news week, CNN has decided to hire a few more people in their latest attempt

to make their staff as big as their audience. One position that CNN is advertising is

Vice President in charge of Google-eyed hysteria. This is an on-air spot, so it's available

only to white women, homosexual men, and the relatives of major Democrats with IQs

and low double digits. The Vice President in charge of Google-eyed hysteria has the responsibility

of setting his hair on fire and running into camera shot screaming like a lunatic every

time Donald Trump says or does anything that involves Russia, immigration, the Supreme

Court, or something that can be somehow construed to have an adverse effect on black people. Qualifications

for this position include the ability to make a high-pitched warbling sound while simultaneously

turning his circles with flames shooting out of your head. CNN hopes that hiring a Vice

President of Google-eyed hysteria will lessen the workload on Don Lemon, who now will only

be expected to look solemnly into camera while saying, stop, please stop over and over.

Please stop it. Please stop.

Another position that CNN will soon fill is on the scene screamer of stupid questions

at public officials. Since White House correspondent Jim, look at me, I'm Jim Acosta, cannot physically

be in two places at the same time. In fact, he can't mentally be in even one place at the

...