Hello!

And welcome back to Monocycle.

I know it's been a really long time and that I probably mention this every time I pull out my voice recorder these days.

But sometimes I wake up in the morning and my heart's beating really fast because all I can think is,

oh my god, I haven't recorded a monocycle in such a long time.

And it's a medium that I really love.

And I don't want to abandon monocycle because it helps me work through a lot of shit.

The reason I haven't been so on top of it is because I'm not really sure what to say.

I don't know that I have even had a unique thought in the last four months outside of will I ever get pregnant again. And I guess the ancillary products that stem from that.

Every time I sit down to write something or to think about something, what ends up turning out is a sort

of manifesto on how to make yourself happier or how to be better or how to just be. And I feel like

I keep coming around to the same exact point, which is you do you. And it's so overdone and it's so

overplayed. And I don't even think it's how I actually feel. It's just the easy and it's so overdone and it's so overplayed and I don't even think it's how I actually

feel it's just the easy it's like the easy way to package a story or something and because of that

I keep killing my writing I keep killing my podcast episodes and so I'm going to try a new thing

for the duration of however much longer I'm going to feel like this, where I just let

myself feel how I feel and not necessarily talk about it, because how many people want to

listen to me cry about the fact that things aren't going my way? I just wish I could power

through bouts of disappointment or frustration in myself without feeling like my entire world

is being turned upside down.

The irony of the whole thing is that when things are going well,

I can rationally tell myself, enjoy this because it doesn't last forever,

...