Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO late night series Real Time with Bill Maugh.

Thank you very much. Thank you. I don't know why you're happy tonight. You are. That's good.

I know you're proud to be an American because it's been five days without a massacre. How about that?

How about a hand for ourselves? What a shitty week, right? Poro, Paso and Dayton still reeling from two disasters, a mass shooting and a Trump visit.

Every city in the country, everyone is asking the same questions. Why? Why? Why? Why does his hair look like that?

Well, the president is off for a well-earned two-week vacation, which will be different from working how?

They want you to know. President will be available at all times if there is an emergency that needs to be made worse. He is completely...

...get on that. We know. Well, we know now this pattern that we have always seen whenever there's a tragedy.

It's all about how he's feeling, right? It's like, is he okay? This week, after the massacres, he attacked the media, Obama, Google, Sherrod Brown, the mayor of Dayton, Beto, California, Sleepy Joe.

He's the only president who thinks consoler in chief means you can soul him.

And also, he's a whiny little bitch.

But seriously, Mr. President, don't console us. Really? I know. Well, don't console us. And mostly stay out of hospitals.

I mean, we have seen what he does in these situations. Like, you know, we threw paper towels to hurricane victims.

What's he doing in a hospital? Throw Tylenol?

I mean, these poor people, I mentioned waking up from surgery and...

Standing over you is this grinning gashous blob and his scowling trophy. Why people are like, shit, I must have died and went to hell.

Please.

They're like, I'm in the hospital. I've had enough orange jello.

But of course you can't tell him he's unpopular. His new press folks were drunk, the cool laid.

He said, oh yeah, Trump went into the hospital. They said they treated him like a rock star. Yeah, our Kelly.

No.

None of the eight patients in the El Paso hospital would agree to meet the Trump. Isn't that something?

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