American President Fantastico Ultimo has announced a new worldwide climate change agreement

which will lead nearly 200 nations to do absolutely nothing about an absolute nothing we

can do absolutely nothing about.

Speaking from the right side of history, situated somewhere between Tomorrowland and Fantasyland,

President F.U. said that while others sat around at home popping off about his failure to

confront worldwide G-Had or the spiraling disaster of Obamacare or an economy, perennially

faltering under the burden of his incompetence, he, Fantastico and his fellow Fantastical

world leaders had saved the planet by a last-minute series of meaningless and empty pledges that

will avert an imaginary catastrophe with imaginary action.

President Fantastico said, quote, future citizens of the worldwide caliphate will enshrine my

name next to those of other great heroes like Prince Valiant and Ironman who have achieved

no more and no less than what I have done this very day.

And now I will fly back to my fortress of solitude where I will continue to transform reality

using the power of my mind alone.

With that tiny towel around his neck and shouting, look mommy, I have a cape like Superman, the

President ran in circles around the room and then out the door, promising a new worldwide

conference soon in which he would address the desolation of smell.

To all of which I can only say, hit it, fellas.

The country's in the very best of hands, the best of hands, the best of hands.

The treasury says the national debt is climbing to the sky and govern many expenditures have

never been so high.

It makes a fellow, give a gleam on pride within his eye to see how our economy expands.

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