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From Meat-E-E-E-R-E-E-R-E-E-E-R-E-E-E-R-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E. News headquarters in Bozeman, Montana. This is Cowell's Week in Review with Ryan Cal-Alla.

Here's Cal.

A philosophy professor at Western Michigan University recently published a paper

advocating for the intentional spread of ticks that cause Alpha Gal syndrome, abbreviated

AGS, the ailment that makes it impossible

for its hosts to eat red meat, aka my worst nightmare. I'll quote from the abstract of the article

to summarize the argument, quote, if eating meat is morally impermissible, then efforts to prevent the spread of tick-borne AGS are also morally impermissible, unquote.

The study then draws out the pieces of this argument, concluding, quote, promoting the proliferation of tick-borne AGS is morally obligatory.

That's right.

You, listening to the sound of my voice, have a moral obligation to get outside right now,

find Lone Star ticks or black-leg ticks or both, breed them in your basement,

sneak around your neighborhood, distribute them to your meat-eating friends, neighbors, acquaintances, and of course, infect yourself, to prevent meat eating.

Alpha-gal syndrome spreads when a tick deposits a very specific alpha-gal carbohydrate into the bloodstream of the host.

The host's immune system attacks that carb and creates an out-of-control reaction.

Then any time that same carbohydrate enters the body in the future through eating red meat, the same reaction overtakes the host,

...