During this disastrous Trump administration when the country is really under full employment

and the fact that you can practically order a cure for cancer from Amazon and have it delivered

the next day, the nation's journalists have issued a new booklet of guidelines entitled

How to Create as Much Histeria as possible from acts of violence that are about as likely to kill you

as a bolt of lightning ricocheting off the guy next to you, then knocking over a tree that falls

on a car, then flips over and lands on your head. The pamphlet published by the junky organization

of uninformed rock-headed oafs, or journal, begins with a preface reading, quote,

in this terrible time when the candidate we wanted for president lost because she was

Fallonia scum. It's very important that every psycho who kills someone for some incomprehensible

reason be turned into a major news event and then blamed on Donald Trump and the people who

elected him instead of the Fallonia scum we loved so very much. Unquote. The pamphlet then

continues, quote, although it's true we can't make the entire country hysterical over nothing

because there are people with only a high school education who own dogs that are smarter and more

realistic than we are, we should be able to spread panic and liberal enclaves where individuals with

advanced degrees are already living in a fantasy world largely created by us in the first place.

Since many of these jackasses live in Washington DC, their panic could cause real problems for

everyone else who will then panic and turn and our goal will be accomplished. Unquote.

The pamphlet then goes on to give some rules for covering violent events in order to make them

seem more threatening than they are and then blame them on Donald Trump. Quote. Rule number one.

Some of you journalists may remember how Barack Obama made a speech about ISIS and implied that

Christians were just as bad because they had fought in the crusades. Some of you may remember how

we praised Obama as a broad-minded leader for blaming both Muslims and Christians when only

...