According to a new study by a neuroscientist, the brains of journalists show a lower than

average level of executive functioning, with a low ability to regulate emotion, suppress

biases, solve complex problems, and show creative and flexible thinking.

This is a real study.

On average, it found journalists were not as competent or intelligent as bankers, traders,

salespeople, rodents, crackhors, comapotions, or that guy on the New York subway, who

pretends to strom a guitar that's actually a cardboard box.

The journalists were, however, about equaling intelligence to college professors and

paving stones.

The scientists who performed the study, who warned that the average IQ of the journalists

may have been unfairly lowered by including Chris Cuomo, who is, of course, the idiot

child of the Cuomo family, and was thus sent to work at CNN in the hopes that no one

would notice his idiot because he just blend in.

Unfortunately, even at CNN, that didn't work, and Cuomo just looks like an enormous idiot

surrounded by other idiots.

The study analyzed the responses of 40 print and broadcast journalists under certain test

conditions.

For instance, the journalists were gathered in a room and then shown a picture of Donald

Trump.

They reacted by running around hysterically in different directions, phoning each other

in fake Russian voices while pretending to be anonymous sources, and then confirming

the legitimacy of their sources by calling in another fake voice to vouch for the first

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