This episode is about making empowered decisions and changes with integrity. Today's caller, Anne, is questioning whether or not she should leave her 25-year marriage. She feels she has tried to communicate her needs. We work through how she is communicating and whether or not she is being vulnerable enough to make an empowered decision.

 

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode311]

 

Often, in masculine-feminine dynamics, it requires the feminine dropping into a deep vulnerability with no victim, no blame, no anger, no reason, just an open, heart-baring, soul truth that ignites the masculine to look within so it can open up.

 

When we are too much in hopelessness-helpless, when we are too much in victim, the only answer seems to be to get out of a situation because we don't feel empowered.

 

One of the ways we get empowered is to look at our side of things and then we communicate vulnerably, because we are not empowered when we communicate emotionally, reactively, or with blame or neediness.

 

And remember, vulnerability is different than a victimy emotional reaction. It has a different frequency and people can hear us when we are vulnerable. They can't hear us when we are emotional or blaming them. It puts their defenses up. They can't hear the truth and intimacy of what we are saying when they are defensive.

 

Consider/Ask Yourself

• Are you torn about what to do in a relationship? Do you want to stay? Do you want to go? Do you tend to look at what someone else is doing wrong and all the ways that they're not meeting your needs and maybe don't look quite enough at how you're perpetuating it?
• Are you aware of what your needs are? Are you good at communicating your needs?
• Do you feel in your gut that you just want to do something but you just can't take the action?

 

Anne's Question:

Anne is struggling with the decision to stay in her marriage.

 

Anne's Key Insights and Ahas:

• She has been married for 25 years and has four children with her husband.
• She feels she and her husband have grown apart.
• Her husband says he wants to make the marriage work.
• Her husband's job and commitments took a lot of his time.
• She asked him to take more time with her and the children.
• She collected evidence of the ways he wasn't showing up for the marriage.
• She doesn't know if she still loves him.
• Fear may be driving her choice.
• There is some part of her that may be shut down.
• She wants to be loved by him.

 

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Continue to have vulnerable conversations with her husband.
• Drop into her feminine vulnerability.
• Consider where she may have walls up around her heart.
• Use "I" language, not "you" language.
• Write out her fears, desires, and insecurities and read them to her husband.

 

Takeaways:

• If there is something you are looking at that you think is wrong and you just need to get out, consider where the decision is coming from. Are you empowered? Have you been vulnerable? Have you looked inside yourself to see if you are mad or blaming? Do you feel like a victim and feel like the only decision is to leave?

 

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Resources:

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