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Dad Meat

Ep. 303 - Kill Mommy w/ Michael Ridley pt. 1

Dad Meat

Tim Butterly/Mike Rainey

Leisure, Comedy

4.9856 Ratings

🗓️ 28 November 2025

⏱️ 67 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Check out https://www.patreon.com/c/dadmeatpodcast for pt.2 of this episode

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See Tim do stand up live: https://linktr.ee/timbutterly

See Mike do stand up live: https://linktr.ee/MikeRainey82 Check out Tim's YouTube channel at youtube.com/@TimButterly for live streams and his killer new project, Field Trippin', which you can also support at https://www.patreon.com/c/timbutterly/posts   

Check out Mike's new interview podcast, Get In Some Head: https://www.youtube.com/@UCvPEUAhvoM3Kw3doNZQkyJg   

Go to Patreon.com/lilstinkers for the best murder/Impractical Jokers-themed podcast out there

Check Out more Mike Ridley: https://www.youtube.com/@MichaelRidleyComedy 

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

The

0:07.0

The Welcome back to Damned

0:24.6

Tim, Mike Ridley. How are you, baby? I'm feeling good, dude. I had a crazy fucking morning, dude. I got to tell you all something. I'm worried. I'm worried. This is the first thought. You didn't let on to this at all. I thought you were having a normal day. What's going on? Crazy morning morning. I walked my dog, dude. 19 fire ants on my left foot. Whoa. Caught astray. Boy, he cinched his Jonathan's directly into my ring finger, ring finger toe, ring toe. Middle toe? No, my middle toe. No, because on your feet, the big toe is the ring toe. Oh. On your hand, the ring finger's the ring finger. All right. Well, bro, just... He got under my ankle lip. I got bit by a fire ant this morning. And then, you know, I had one of those mornings where you wake up and you feel like 100% like, oh, well-rested, pops up in the corner. You had one of those. Your bars are all green. Yeah, yeah. All my bars, everything. I checked my pit boy. Everything's at 100%. Boy caught a, caught a stray set of jowls to the fucking toe. You know, you got to get, is this on your property where you encounter the fire ant? Yeah, my apartment complex where I live, yeah. Yeah, you want to borrow some mound destroyer? Yeah.

1:44.8

No, for real.

1:45.4

That's what gets them.

1:46.6

Dude, they're everywhere.

2:34.2

I just learned, like, no open toes while I'm walking my dog in the morning. I fell asleep. Like, I woke up at 9, walked the dog. It was like, ooh, my toe's spicy. I got spicy toe. I got drowsy and fell asleep for two more hours and then I woke up to do this I'm deeply sympathetic to your fire ant problem and I hate I don't want to sound like I'm complaining but britt man I am I'm in I'm at war with the fire ant community right now you'll fuck them straight up anytime it rains here they they create I mean honestly it's almost they build a guest house in my. These mounds that they build are so fucking big. Yeah. And they're so scary. And when you disturb them and they all swarm out of it. And obviously, I sound like a woman right now. But dude, they'll, they, when they swarm your body and you get bit by even one of them, it'll, you'll think about it for a week.

2:34.6

Dude,

2:35.1

they're bad,

2:51.2

you know what's even worse, volunteer fire ends. Just slightly autistic. O-fish, very weird walks. We're basically real fire ants. It's like, I'm on call right now. Yeah, they're just in the mound with their hands in their pockets, like bopping as they fucking march. They're playing stick ball in front of the mound.

2:51.2

Yeah, basically, you know, if it's bad enough and they need a second but yeah so i brought a time

2:56.9

crisis for ps2 got two light guns they're gonna put in the rec room get fired that's what

3:03.0

is playing time would you guys ever consider being fireman? Regular? Yeah, you You kind of look like a fireman too. You look very firemanish. Like I could picture you in like blue blue work pants with a blue t-shirt tucked into that shit. Oh yeah. Just waiting for the alarm to go off. It seems like we got to breach this door. What the fuck are we doing? Yeah, you look very crowbar-y.

3:25.0

Oh, I, you know, I would be a nightmare on the on the scene when they're all like, everyone's like, accepting their fate, like there might be a child out there.

3:35.0

I'm ready to be burned over 75% of my body and my lungs destroyed and then I get to be on like, you know, good morning America or something.

3:41.0

Yeah.

3:41.3

And the whole time I would go, fuck!

3:44.3

Shit, dude, don't.

3:45.8

Seriously.

3:46.4

Like, I would be, I would just be a absolute liability.

3:50.6

I think you got what it takes.

3:51.6

Can I hear you say my job is to save your ass, not kiss it?

...

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