Did anyone else grow up in a really conservative household, so you were never allowed to express yourself through your appearance?

And somehow in middle school and high school, you ended up getting roped into the popular preppy friend group.

So you just looked like a basic-ass local for most of your life.

Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it just wasn't you.

So the minute you graduated and went off on your own, you just...

This. This happened.

Just me? Okay. Cool. This new movement going around where TikTokers try to show their liberation from conservative families.

You know, that setting free from all the terrible things like lack of STDs, genitals that work

because you didn't have prepubescent hormonal treatment.

And there's a lot of things to cover today as well. I do want to remind you guys that the

American dream is also still alive today and well. Do not forget this. I thought while I was

away that maybe perhaps the country had fallen apart. Maybe in the light of all the insanity

with Russia and Ukraine that there wasn't going to be a country when I came back. But here it is.

In a stuffed into a grocery bag, we have all 432 pounds of the American dream alive and breathing,

at least for now. I do theorize that if we

waited about six months, the American dream might be dead, but not because of war or famine or

the stock market crashing, most likely just because of cardiac arrest or whatever or kidney failure. It is really a

sad thing what's happened to America. This person is dying, kind of like the entire country.

But on that note, welcome back, genuinely, to slightly offensive. It's the best worst show on

the internet. I'm Elijah Schaefer, your favorite host. And of course, we have a crazy show lined up for you today. Uh, I do know that I've been gone for a little bit. So I want to say a couple things. Number one, yes, I left, uh, Blaze TV. And I'll talk about that a little more in the middle of the show. But that means that I'm fully independent, which also means that there's only a couple ways to support me. Number one, you got to join the locals community. I know, look at that, puffy cheeks, smug look, what's not to love? You get to pinch the cheeks if you join the community. It's actually free to join, or you can join five dollars or more and you can uh get live streams there's a

commercial on there explains everything to you but i encourage you to check it out as well and on top

of that i know you guys were all waiting for the insanity everyone's been asking you've been

...