This incredibly touching call is about forgiveness and letting go of guilt. Today's caller, Lynn, feels she was partially responsible for her son's death and wants to be free of the guilt so she can mourn his passing. Lynn is very brave to be vulnerable and share her story. In this session, we work through a tough topic, especially for mothers. Be prepared.

 

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode249]

 

When something happens, we can blame ourselves so much that we become the judge and the jury that crucifies us. We can get stuck in a thick soup of guilt.

 

And, when we have a big trauma, like the passing of someone, we can think that we're only upset about that event especially when it is something big like losing a child. However, most traumas, massive expectation hangovers, or losses trigger past things that made us feel in similar ways. We can get stuck in a loop that we can't get out of in terms of the guilt cycle. It's difficult to process grief when you are stuck in guilt.

 

Grief is hard and when we add guilt to it, it can feel unsurmountable. When you lose someone, especially a child, I don't know that the pain ever goes away. However, going through the grief process helps to heal it enough for you to be able to move forward.

 

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you suffer from guilt? Have you done something and you think that you did something terribly wrong and you just can't forgive yourself, even if it's years later?
• Are you a parent, especially a mother, who thinks no matter what you do you are never doing enough?
• Have you had a break up that you never really got over? Specifically a break up where you were left for another person?
• Do you know things spiritually but have a hard time accepting them on a human level?

 

Lynn's Question:

Lynn has been grieving over her son's death but hasn't been able to forgive herself for his suffering.

 

Lynn's Key Insights and Ahas:

• She feels divided between her emotional and spiritual self.
• She is stuck in feelings of grief, guilt, and regret.
• She sought help from grief groups and through multiple healing techniques.
• Her son was the victim of a violent crime.
• She feels she should have done more to help her son.
• Her ex-husband left her and their three children for another woman.
• She may be keeping her son's memory alive through her guilt and shame.
• She has a limiting belief that she could have done better as a mom.
• She wants to be free of the guilt so she can mourn her son.
• She doesn't feel supported in her current marriage.

 

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Do deep forgiveness work and process anger from her past.
• Give herself permission to open her heart and to be happy again.
• Resist punishing herself.

 

Takeaways:

• If you are feeling guilty about something, do some journaling. Ask yourself, 'What is this bringing up from my past that I need to forgive myself for?'
• Forgive yourself for buying into any judgments you have made against yourself.
• Mothers, it's OK to have boundaries with your children.

 

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

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