Welcome to COMP!

I'm speaking today on behalf of the military industrial complex.

In the coming weeks, most of you will be drafted to fight in Iran as a part of Operation Epic Furry.

Fury.

It's Fury?

All right.

If you are between the ages of 18 and 70, you'll be shipped off to a Walmart parking lot somewhere in the greater Detroit area, where you'll be stripped, shaven, dewormed, and minimally trained for one week, and then flown to the jewel of the former Persian Empire.

You will land in a foreign country where you don't speak the language of the locals or you're commanding

officers or do Israeli speak English?

We'll put a pin on that.

You'll be given unclear objectives, shoddy outdated intel, and random guns lent to us

by Al Qaeda.

And you'll be finally give something back to this country which is is given so much to your parents, who have given you so little.

Some of you will say this is an unnecessary war that was waged to distract from the Epstein files,

where that Israel is essentially riding the United States into the ground like Legolas,

when he shot arrows into that elephant and lower the rings.

Or that Tucker Carlson sold us out to Iran because he's a young-in trickster archetype who may work

for the CIA, but even the CIA isn't sure. But all of that is irrelevant now.

We've thus far failed to secure the Strait of Hormuz.

Iran is requiring all oil shipments to be priced in Chinese Yuan, and the United States

petro dollar is on the verge of collapse.

If you think we're going to let you sit this one out and place polymarket bets on dog

...