Ep 2: Have We Forgotten How to Discipline?

Raising Parents with Emily Oster

The Free Press

Parenting, Kids & Family

4.5 • 660 Ratings

🗓️ 25 September 2024

⏱️ 49 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

There are a lot of different approaches to discipline, and they’ve changed wildly in America over the decades. On one end of the spectrum, there’s the old school, 1950s approach: spanking. Then, there are middle-ground approaches: time-outs, warning systems, consequences, and punishments. And then, there are the fairly new approaches on the way other end of the spectrum. These are the kind of approaches that claim that the right way to parent is not to punish your child, but rather to help your child understand why they’re frustrated and to help them work through their frustration. “Gentle parenting”—sometimes called “respectful parenting” or “attentive parenting”—has become really popular in the last few years, and if your social media feeds are anything like ours, you’ve heard all about it and been told you need to do it. The question many parents are asking is: We have been told that spanking was bad, and we shouldn’t go back to it. But have we gone too far in the other direction? Has gentle parenting led us to permissive parenting, where kids are learning that they can do whatever they want, whenever they want? And yes, there are consequences of being too hard on your kids, but what are the consequences of being too soft on them? Today: How should we be disciplining the next generation of kids? And have we gotten too soft on them along the way? *** Resources from this episode: Abigail Shrier: Bad Therapy: Why the Kids Aren’t Growing Up Dr. Thomas Phelan: 1-2-3 Magic: Gentle 3-Step Discipline for Calm, Effective, and Happy Parenting Dr. Becky Kennedy: Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be Hal Chaffee: How to Spank Your Kids the Right Way

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hi, everyone. Emily here, and you're listening to Raising Parents, my new podcast in partnership with
0:06.0	the free press, where we interrogate all of the big and pressing and confusing questions facing
0:11.6	parents today. Before we get to the show, I'm so excited to tell you that this season is in partnership
0:17.3	with Airbnb. If you know anything about me, you know how much I love Airbnb.
0:22.4	I think I'm currently holding like six Airbnb reservations in my account.
0:27.4	Airbnb has provided incredible experiences for me, my family, and our friends across the
0:33.0	country and the world time and time again.
0:36.3	More on that and how you too can use Airbnb on your next
0:39.9	family trip later in the episode. For now, on to the show. Are we too soft on kids? Yeah, I would say
0:51.6	we're too soft on kids. Well, sometimes. Soft? I don't know about that.
0:56.9	Do you think that we are too soft on kids? Yes, I do believe that we're too soft on kids.
1:02.5	I don't think that we're creating a generation where children have to earn something, right? I think now
1:07.7	when kids are little, or even with my own kids, I've seen the experience where
1:11.5	even at a very young age, everybody gets a trophy for just showing up. For my generation, I grew up
1:16.9	in the 70s and discipline was very rules oriented. Like whenever our parents said, do something,
1:24.5	we just did it. There was no questioning. And if we didn't adhere to
1:28.5	like what was being asked of us, we would definitely have repercussions. I don't think we know how
1:33.8	to discipline our kids anymore because we're scared to discipline them just in case our kids
1:38.8	feel any sort of negativity towards us because we're so busy wanting to be friends with our kids
1:43.3	that we forget that we're actually their parents.
1:45.0	Your child is angry. They didn't get what they wanted.
1:56.0	Maybe they're two, and they just wanted a cookie before dinner.
	...

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