Ladies and

Ladies and gentlemen, this episode is sponsored by cards against humanity.

And they asked us not to read an ad,

but they do want you to enjoy the show

Oh, hello there. I'm Mayor Argy bottom. I'd like to take this opportunity to invite you to come experience all we have to offer here in Hainesport, Maine.

Haintsport names your home away from home, take your whole family.

There's plenty for the kids to do that we got wicked gray restaurants.

And Hainesport is well within EPA guidelines of toxic air particulates almost 250 days a year.

Don't let our heavy precipitation dampen your spirits for tourism here.

You can always come into one of our many fine dining establishments to escape the rain,

or the occasional billowing fog of the souls of the dam,

now. Each weekend from Memorial Day through Labor Day features a different

interesting aspect of Hainesport life, from delicious food festivals to award-winning art walks.

Feel free to rest and relax and on many temperature-controlled and air-cealed shelter facilities

for when the blood tide brings in another murderous fog.

Enjoy a tour of historical Haynes Park, as the town's been built upon itself numerous times,

what with the fog making people vanish unexpectedly and such.

Enjoy spine-tingling thrills as you take a tour of Haunted Hainesport.

Hop in my cars, together we explore the rich history and problematically high mortality rate of Hainesport.

Hop in my old boat here with me, but not only am I the mayor of Haines' aunt, I'm also a lobsterman. My father was a lobsterman. And his father, well, he got swallowed up by fog once, so we didn't know too much about him, but pretty sure he did stuff with lobsters too here.

So grab your wife and kids and come visit us this summer in Hainesport.

I wouldn't advise visiting us in the winter, on account of the hunger frost and all, but come on down to

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