In the aftermath of a shocking crime, people always ask, why?

Why would someone do something like that?

I'm Candace DeLong, host of the podcast Killer Psychie,

where every week I explain the thoughts, motivations,

and behaviors of the most violent figures in history.

Listen to Killer Psychie on Amazon Music,

or wherever you get your podcast.

She began to feel feverish and achy and believed she had the flu.

When the aches and pains grew more severe,

she sought medical attention and was hospitalized

before the respiratory symptoms appeared.

She speaks of drowning, of perceiving a great weight on her chest

and a great exhaustion.

She speaks of wanting to see her children one last time,

and then of her mixed emotions about being sedated.

I wanted to live, she said.

Of course I did.

I didn't want to leave my family.

They needed me, but I was just so tired.

I was just so tired.

She did survive, and sometimes she says,

she still grows so weary that she realized

...