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Taxes and fees apply. For as long as we've had a country, we've had quacks who claim that they alone

understand the secrets of human longevity. And they tell us that if we simply follow their

advice, we can maximize our lifespan. Typically the most popular quacks are the ones who demand

that we sacrifice some enjoyable commonplace activity in order to supposedly improve our health.

Now, in the early 1900s, for example, a man named Horace Fletcher came up with the idea

that if you wanted to avoid alcoholism, appendicitis, insanity, and a host of other illnesses,

then you needed to chew your food obsessively, hundreds of times to the point that it lost all of its

taste before swallowing. He once chewed a green onion more than 700 times just to make

sure that it was totally liquefied. And appropriately enough, Fletcher became known as the Great Masticator.

Not to be confused with the title claimed by Jeffrey Tubin on a Zoom call, this is Masticator.

Fletcher quickly attracted hundreds of thousands of followers, including Arthur Conan Doyle, Mark Twain, John Rockefeller, and the author Upton Sinclair.

In fact, Sinclair reportedly wrote the catchphrase of the movement, which was, and I quote, nature will castigate those who don't masticate.

Johnny Cochran himself could not have invented a better slogan.

Now, in every case, when fads like this catch on, it's a sign of a deeper sickness that needs to be addressed.

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