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Next to those that issue from my holy mouth, now that the presidency is finally mine, mine,

mine, mine.

My, unquote, candidate Bernie Sanders said he also welcomed the vice president's decision.

On the Republican side, Wisconsin Congressman Paul Ryan said he would serve as speaker

of the House if the warring Republican factions would unite behind him. He also said he would

sing the love area from Carmen if a magic fairy came from Wonderland and made him a soprano.

The staunchly conservative House Freedom Caucus sent mixed signals about the Ryan bid. On

the one hand, they agreed to support Ryan, but on the other, they descended on his village

in a thunder of horses hooves, burned his huts, put the men to the sword, and exalted in

the lamentation of his women. You wanted unity, said one caucus member, we will show you

a unity of flames and darkness that will lay the whole world waste.

Ryan thanked the caucus for their support and begged for mercy for the children. Meanwhile,

Republican frontrunner Donald Trump released a new policy paper promising to restore the

nation's space program by building a tower to the sun. My tower will be huge, he said,

it will be so huge that God himself will not be able to knock me from the mighty ujna

of it. That's how huge my huge tower will be. In answer to the announcement, Trump's

...