You're welcome. What was that? You're welcome with Hillary Rushford. Say it again. You're welcome.

In Ed Vans.

Hello, beautiful friends. So today we are going to talk about death, but we're really going to talk about life, about living, about how to live well,

with more hope, with more peace. We're going to talk about some heavy things on the road to get there, but I never want to leave us in the hard and the heavy things. I always want there to be more hope, help healing at the end of our time together. And so I want to let you know in advance that kind of part three of this podcast, this, this episode. I mean, this isn't a three part series, but part three act three of this episode right now.

I'm going to share a five part practice that I came up with just a few days ago that I've been sitting with and has really been helping me process this. It's really been resonating with me. And so I wanted to get this episode up and out quickly and in a timely manner to see if it supports and serves y'all as well. I even have hand motions that go with it because I just love joy. Why not.

But also, I think there is when you have a mnemonic device that really helps you remember something or kind of a somatic practice that makes it physical. It's so much easier to kind of hold on to it and really use it in real life. And so I just organically found these hand motions coming out.

And it really has helped me. I was like doing this while I was in the sauna the other day. And because I had the hand motions. I remembered all five parts of it and was able to sit and reflect. So I really think that you will find that beautiful.

But first, let's talk about the hard before we get to the beautiful. So twice in the last two months, I have spent days thinking about someone I never met and their family that I never met grieving the loss of a total stranger to me. And certainly I am a total stranger to them and grieving for their family. Again, who are strangers to me and I am stranger to them.

And I do want to be really clear up front anything I share in this episode. I'm not commenting on these individuals. I'm not commenting on their life, their thoughts, their health, any of that. I'm sharing the impact on me.

And we did an episode. I will link in the description. I was referencing this in stories last week when the passing of day of Hollis occurred. And I was talking about this concept of circles of grief. There's more depth on it. If you have not heard it, go listen to that episode.

But I am not in an inner circle or second tier, third tier with any of these people or with either of these people. But you can have not known someone and yet have a personal reaction or reflection because something in their story or circumstances spoke to or sparked something for you.

But I think we get wisely cautious about wanting to talk about people that we don't know when there's a negative or upsetting situation that happened in their lives because we never want to feel like we are making it seem like we were close to someone or that we're exploiting what happened to someone or that we're even just being the peanut gallery commenting.

So I just want to be so clear up front. None of that is the heart and the intention here. But I also want to share it because I think a lot of us hold back for fear of being perceived that way. And yet in truth, we see it all the time on social media. There can be someone that you didn't know at all. You maybe had a parasocial relationship with them. You might have followed them on social media, but you weren't friends with them. They didn't know who you were, et cetera. And yet you can just be gutted and devastated as you.

It's an experience stillbirth or something like that and you can be so deeply grieved by someone you didn't personally know and I think that can feel hard to make space for it. There's times when because I've shared something I will get people messaging me my friend Ashley Lemieux on social media, for example, it's gone through a lot of areas and elements of grief and I've had at times people reach out to me because they know we're friends and it's like they're grieving for her.

They don't have anybody else who knows this person and the idea that they're like, oh, this person I follow on Instagram. I'm just really struggling today because this person just had a stillbirth and that other people maybe like, why are you upset about somebody you follow on Instagram? You're like, no, but it did it spoke to me and there is a validity in that. So also just trigger warning. I assume you are already aware when you clicked on this episode with the names that there's a trigger warning of suicide and suicidal ideation.

So the first instance of this was in December when Stephen Twitch Boss Twitch as I knew him from so you think you can dance days many years ago at 40 took his life and I was in London at the time with my family. I knew kind of in that example I was just sharing it wouldn't if I said anything allowed to my parents.

They would have been like, oh, that's sad. But there wouldn't have really been some sort of connection there. My husband had no idea who he was. And yet I found myself just every day thinking about his family, about him, about his friends, just so sad about the whole situation.

And yet feeling like I don't even know where I don't even know who to say this to I felt odd just going on Instagram stories and talking about it because I was like, I don't know this person like it does feel so odd to process when you feel so impacted.

And yet there isn't that validity of something happened to a coworker you could turn to your friends and people would say, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry and you would get that response.

It can feel a little empty sometimes and you're like, I don't really know how to explain why this is connecting with me so much.

But I also saw with twitches passing that I wasn't alone. I think that culture responded in a different way than I had ever observed at the passing of someone because I think he was so young.

And he was someone who seemed to quote, have it all money like he did really well for himself.

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