You know, many people ask me to explain how to be a Christian.

Not many people, maybe like three or four.

It's hard to count them because they're invisible.

But whenever some lost soul begs me to point the way toward the light of God's love,

I always take time out of my busy schedule and say to them, of course, that'll be $25.

A man's got to eat.

There are many misconceptions about the experience of Christian faith.

Even an honest seeker can lose his way and begin to believe that Christianity is just a matter

of establishing a relationship with a loving God who sacrificed his own son to win forgiveness

for his sinful creation and wants nothing more from you

but that you turn from your destructive desires and live into his image to find peace and joy

and eternal life. That's absurd. It's difficult and you miss all the fun. Instead, you must turn

your eyes to the Lord's eternal dwelling place, social media.

There, you'll find to your delight that the moment you accept Christ into your heart,

you instantly receive the power to tell other people that they're doing it wrong.

When Jesus said, judge not, lest you be judged, he didn't mean judge not lest you be judged.

He meant, hey, tell that stupid schmuck over there. I am sending him to hell if he doesn't shut his fat face right now. Of course,

those of you who are only just starting on your Christian journey might wonder, why did our

savior say the exact opposite of what he meant? But as you grow in social media faith, you'll

understand it's because our blessed Lord was a Jew, and you just can't trust those people.

Also, when you become a Christian, you'll develop the ability to see things no one else can

see, almost as if you were a prophet or a schizophrenic or a CNN anchorwoman.

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