when somebody leaves or when you know when you lose something there's just such a tendency to to numb it or fill that hole there's always this hole that's created you know from where you're used to doing this thing or you're used to seeing this person or you're smelling that perfume or you're used to hearing that you know sound of voice or or you know if you're trying to quit drugs or alcohol you're used to having a, you know, sound of voice or, or, you know, if you're trying to

quit drugs or alcohol, you're used to having a drink at this time every day, you know, and now

you don't have it anymore. And it just feels like there's nothing. And so the tendency is to try

to put something in there, just anything, really, like, just to not feel it. And yet there's

just this idea that if we can somehow sit with our own

space our own pain enough to feel it actually get transformed like if we can come to and it's a sloppy

process it's not like some thing where you just like sit on a meditation pillow for you know 30 days

straight and you did it it's like like, you know, it's a hard

process, but it's just basically broad strokes saying if we're willing to sit with those things

that we feel, we can actually transform them and be a different kind of person in the world. But

if we don't, the tendency is to say that didn't work because her, because she was unhealthy or she was greedy, or she, you know, I don't know, only ever made tuna sandwiches.

And I don't like tuna.

And that's a sign that, you know, we shouldn't be together.

Or that's a ridiculous example.

But just the idea that we find it easiest to point fingers at someone else than to look at what our part is and things.

And what I hoped to do with that TEDx talk for my part was to make the connection between how we do that on a small heartbreak level,

that we tend to not look at our own selves or take inventory of what we've

seen or what we might have brought to the table, but we blame. And then how we do that on a macro

level. That instead of taking time to sit with who we are, what our own sin patterns are, if you

want to call it that, or what our own false self patterns are what our own just what we're afraid of

you know just the ways that we've been wounded like the tendency to then go out and uh project out

to someone else or wound someone else uh is really high there's just high likelihood that we're

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