President and Veenal House Plant, Joe Biden, launched his re-election campaign last week

with a fiery speech near Valley Forge, Pennsylvania in which he declared,

quote, Donald Trump is not fit to be president and then wandered off stage, tripped over his own shoe heel,

tumbled down a flight of stairs, rolled out the door while flailing his arms and blinking rapidly with an empty expression on his open-mouth face,

and finally awoke two days later in a truck stop in Lancaster County

wearing an Amish hat and a guns and roses t-shirt

before being led back to the podium by First Lady Dr. Mrs. Jill Biden,

whom he mistook for his grandmother and sobbed because he thought she had passed

away in 1943, or at least it was very difficult to wake her up from her nap.

The speech was delivered on the eve of January 6th.

Exactly three years, eight months and 20 days after leftist riots claimed at least 25 lives and caused around 2 billion dollars in

damage making them the most costly political violence in the nation's history.

And also three years after that thing at the Capitol where all the idiots ran around stealing furniture and stuff.

Speaking in tones so sonorous with righteous anger they made the drool on his chin quiver,

Biden said, quote,

we stand today at Valley Forge.

Never forget what happened here.

No, really, what happened here?

I don't remember.

Oh yeah, something about George Washington and feet and there was blood on the snow just as there would have been blood at the capital on January 6th if people had been standing in the snow with no shoes on which let's face it is a pretty stupid thing to do and George

Washington should have known better. Always wear boots when you're in the

snow. This is America for God's sake. It gets cold here, especially in the winter

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