Well, 2024 has arrived, and before it gets fully underway, I'd like to pause and give you my predictions of what we can expect from this exciting new year.

With the war in what used to be Ukraine turning sour for the future citizens of Russia

and the war in what used to be Gaza spreading to encompass Lebanon, Yemen, Saudi Arabia, Iran, Harvard University, AOC's fantasy life, a falafel stand on 53rd Street,

the empty place in the minds of college students where knowledge would be if they had ever learned

anything, and anywhere else where there are members of Hamas

or supporters of Hamas or customers at the falafel stand

who asked how much and it sort of sounded like Hamas

or anyone wearing one of those sinister black and white

scarves who can't prove he's an extra in the remake of

Lawrence of Arabia or anyone who thought remaking Lawrence of Arabia was a good idea.

I think we can expect China to seize this moment to invade Taiwan.

The American military will of course respond immediately with a delightful transgender

musical extra-strabagansa featuring the Joint Chiefs of Staff forming a kickline in matching pleaded le maimed gowns.

During intermission, the Chinese Army will take time out to enjoy a tasty falafel at the stand on 53rd Street

after they finish invading New York City, where of course they'll be entirely wiped out by the Israelis.

After that, the seventh seal will be opened, the sun will turn his black, a sackcloth made from goats hair,

and the people will hide in caves praying for death before they face the

wrathful judgment of the Lamb of God.

Then in February, President in Vinal House Plant Joe Biden will suddenly sit up in bed and shout ice cream as he finally remembers the answer

to the question, what's your favorite food, which Ryan Seacris asked them on New Year's Eve.

In April, Biden will announce that he will not run for re-election, but will instead lie and

stayed after having passed away last July.

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