Whenever November comes along, American political observers turn their minds to the upcoming elections,

because they can't just sit in the corner sobbing all the time, it's unseemly.

As things stand now, Democrats are fearful that their election chances may suffer somewhat

from the fact that their policies have led to two major wars, surrendered our borders

to Mexican cartels and turned our salaries to dust that was blown away on the winds of inflation

into a vast expanse of insubstantial nothingness that used to be our rent and groceries.

As DNC Chairman Malthsay Jihad told CNN Anchor Woman Vladimir Jihad, no relation,

quote, we're concerned that our disastrous policies may have alienated some of our core voters,

like dead people, unassigned social security numbers, and bicycle riders

with bags filled with mail-in votes from former residents who moved away years ago and

are now voting in other states.

Without those constituencies, we're not sure

we'll be able to garner enough self-righteous white women

who don't know anything but feel good when they vote for us

for no discernible reason, unquote.

To counter the actual effects of their policies, Democrats are hoping to fashion an electoral

majority out of voters who stick their ice cream cones in their foreheads because they're

too stupid to find their mouths.

Political consultants are experimenting with slogans that appeal to the Democrat base,

like, vote Democrat, the country is still standing.

Help us finish the job.

Or, extreme maggar Republicans want to stop you from slaughtering your unborn

...