The New York Times, a former newspaper, has hired a Hitler-loving journalist to cover the

Hamas Israel War while loving Hitler. I know what you're thinking, you're thinking,

oh, Claven, you ancient yet smolderingly sensual icon of American political thought.

However, could your imagination fly so free as to create the ridiculous idea that a former

newspaper has formerly respected as The New York Times, a newspaper that obsessively hates Donald

because he's literally Hitler, would hire a journalist who literally sings the praises of

Adolf Hitler, who's literally Hitler, because he's Hitler. All right, maybe not all of you find

me smolderingly sensual, but I firmly would know me in my prime. Anyway, the point is,

no, I am not making this up. The actual real life New York Times, which you younger folks will

have to take my word for it, actually used to be a newspaper, actually hired freelance videographer

Solomon Hegey to cover the Hamas Israel War, even knowing that Hegey once posted how great you are

Hitler on Facebook and shared a photo of himself with the caption, I'm in a state of harmony as Hitler

was during the Holocaust. Now, just for a bit of historical context, as some of you might know,

Israel is a country full of Jews, and Hitler, for all of his otherwise delightful qualities,

was not always as fond of Jews as he sometimes pretended to be. However, Times, editor-in-chief,

blithering provocation, the third defended hiring the Hitler-loving Hegey to cover Israel in a

statement saying, quote, and my hand to God, this is a real quote, we reviewed problematic social

media posts by Mr. Hegey when they first came to light in 2022 and took a variety of actions to

ensure he understood our concerns and could adhere to our standards. Unfreaking quote.

The Times did not explain what this variety of actions might have been, but we can only assume it

included a priest sprinkling Mr. Hegey with holy water while screaming the power of Christ

compels you until Hegey's head spun around 360 degrees, and he projectile vomited enormous

...