you know, we're so politically divided in this country. I feel it's incumbent upon me to search

for ways to bring us together. But how can we unite Republicans with their deep commitment to

discerning the central principles of the ordinary American and then selling them out to the first

corporate lobbyists who offers them a Rolex and a campaign contribution and the Democrats with

their bottomless creativity and inventing beautiful ideals like equity, social justice and women's

rights in order to legitimize racism, looting and infanticide? Well, I thought about it, and after

long hours of serious cogitation and enough alcohol to make an elephant think he's a gazelle

with cellulite, I finally realized that there's one thing that brings both Republicans and Democrats

together, and that's their abiding love of sexual degradation. In the Southern California

city of Burbank, for instance, the Democrat mayor Constantine Anthony recently had himself

filmed getting spanked by a drag queen. Although conservatives mocked the mayor for, well,

forgetting to spank by a drag queen, Constantine defended his actions in a speech delivered to a

bathroom mirror with a towel thrown over it so he wouldn't have to look at his own face. The mayor

said, quote, no matter what anyone says, today was a great day for a masculating sexual

perversion. By having my butt paddled by a man dressed as a woman, I have made the historic breakthrough

of participating in the 17,556 act of sexual deviance committed in Burbank in the last hour and a half.

Unquote. On the Republican side, the New York Post reports that South Dakota Governor

Christine Nome has been having a long time affair with repulsive Trump advisor Cory Lewandowski.

Nome, a married mother of three who frequently cites her Christian values, absolutely denies the

affair saying the trist would be a clear violation of the biblical commandment thou shalt not commit

adultery with repulsive Trump advisor Cory Lewandowski. Even if the story is true, some conservatives

defend Nome saying hypocrisy is the tribute vice pays to virtue. But of course that quotation

...