The best gift I've ever received has to be a bike when I was younger, a pedal bike.

It was a sort of slick little road bike and I remember it was all like, it was so, it was all wrapped up,

it was so obvious what it was obviously because nothing shaped like a bike and I had a little ribbon on it and I was so

a guest. For that was a life changer and I'm still sort of big on cycling around my area now so, for that one, change me a little.

Enjoy in every sip with red cups now back at Starbucks.

A new law in Oregon requires that the states K through 12 public schools provide free tampons in both the girls and boys bathrooms.

Yes, I know what you're thinking, you're thinking, oh, Claven, you virulent yet strangely lovable patriarchal monster.

I suppose now you're going to make all kinds of despicably sexist jokes in the hope of cajoling us all back into a world where men or men and women or women

and they marry one another in order to create healthy families of rambunctions yet honorable boys and loving moral girls who carry both tradition and innovation into a shiny new American future.

Yeah, that's largely accurate, but still I'm not making this story up.

The Oregon State Education Department says the new tampon law quote and as God is my witness, this is a real quote, affirms the right to menstrual dignity for transgender, intersex, non-binary and two spirit students.

That sentence reminds me of the time I watched Lord of the Rings on acid because there's no such thing as elves, I've never taken acid and so the whole thing is a fantasy start to finish very much like the concerns of the Oregon Education Department which operates in a state

whose schools are ranked 35 out of 50, but at least now sniggering eight-year-old boys can stick tampons up their butts and say, look, I'm a girl with a tampon up my butt.

The Oregon Law is of course a result of leftist gender theory which holds that gender characteristics have nothing to do with a person's physical sex.

Now, you might ask if gender characteristics and sex are intimately linked in every other mammal on earth, why do gender theorists believe that when it comes to humans they magically become distinct?

Well, the reason is most gender theorists are women so they're completely irrational.

Unfortunately, when you explain this to gender theorists, they get very angry. It's like telling them their dress makes them look fat, even if it's true, gender theorists want you to lie about it for some reason.

Then they go off and sulk and won't tell you why because gender theorists believe that if you really love them you would just somehow know what they're feeling.

In general, gender theorists can be very perplexing creatures.

Anyway, all of this raises an interesting question.

Since boys don't actually have periods and since transgender intersex non-binary and two-spirit students are exceedingly rare when they exist at all, and since menstrual dignity is not actually a thing as any real woman will be happy to explain to you at excruciating length,

what are Oregon boys supposed to do with all those tampons in their bathrooms?

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