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Slack.com slash DHQ. Rachel Levine, the Assistant Secretary of Health, has been named a four-star

admiral and has been hailed as the first female four-star admiral to not be female or an

admiral. The move came only moments before I was named the first two-legged horse with

glasses to win the Kentucky Derby. After I ran around my room in a circle shouting,

look at me, I'm a horse, and I've won the Kentucky Derby. Now, I know what you're thinking,

oh, Clayvin, you are so funnolicious that if I licked your face, it would taste like laughter.

And yes, that's true, but I'm not making this up. I really did win the Kentucky Derby in the same

sense that Rachel Levine really is a woman and became an admiral. President and Vinal House

Plant Joe Biden followed the Levine appointment by issuing an executive order declaring federal

employees are not allowed to laugh if they see a man walking around wearing a dress, a string

of pearls, and one of those bicorn hats, Horatio Nelson used to wear because he was an admiral

who defeated the French Navy at sea where admirals are. The man day to against laughter forbid

not only open-gaffine, but also giggling silently into your hand or trying very hard not to laugh,

but unintentionally making a snorty noise that sends a gout of Mountain Dew up into your

nose so that you feel like you're drowning in an ocean of pitiful delusions and governmental

incompetence. China celebrated the Levine appointment by sending a hypersonic missile around the

world in low orbit and using it to drop a note off on the resolute desk in the Oval Office.

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