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Slack.com slash DHQ. In this season's surprise twist ending to the American Republic, the

blithering old man shouting non-sequitors, it passes by, turned out to be the president

of the United States. I know. I didn't see that coming either. I thought he was just some

homeless guy. Gave him a couple of bucks. We could buy himself a sandwich. But no, it turned

out to be the commander and chief of the armed forces explaining in a loud angry voice

how his retreat from Afghanistan was one of the most extraordinary successes of any complete

failure in history. Yelling crankily at anyone who would listen, the president said, quote,

I take full credit for the stunning victory of our humiliating defeat. It went off without

a hitch and it was Donald Trump's fault. It was such a debacle. We planned for every contingency,

including the fact that we were taken completely by surprise and were ready on the instant

to implement our backup plan of panic and chaos. That's why we were able to get every

single American out, except for the hundreds we left behind and could pay back our loyal

local interpreters with a copy of the Jeopardy Home game and a certain future of torture

and death. Sure, some people have criticized our careful strategy of screwing up every

aspect of this mission in the worst possible way and some have simply screamed wordlessly

in terror and despair. But surrendering to the Taliban has freed us to turn our attention

to John. So so we can surrender to them. After all, as Americans look to the future, we have

...