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Slack.com slash DHQ. Twitter and YouTube have announced new terms of use policies banning

statements that are true. Users will now be asked to agree not to post any tweets or

videos that contain any remark or suggestion that anything that is the case is the case

or that anything that happened happened or that any self-evident fact is evident or

a fact. Users who violate the agreement terms will have their tweets and videos removed

from the sites and will be barred from using the sites until they vote Democrat, watch CNN,

or otherwise indicate that they have stopped believing in the concept of truth altogether.

In the unlikely event anyone views the truth on Twitter or YouTube, those users will be

asked to swear by the head of a goat or Joe Biden that they did not believe the said

truth or have forgotten they ever saw it or will pretend to have forgotten it and then

forget their pretending. The first user who swears to forego truth telling in any form

whatsoever will be given the Jen Socky Award for Best Social Media user and will be

invited to co-host Good Morning America and will in fact be George Stephanopoulos. Included

among every true thing that has been banned from the sites are such obvious truths as

men can't become women even if they cut off their penises and wear pearls. Women can't

become men even if they speak in a ridiculously deep voice and hog the remote. And climate

change is not an existential threat to anything except souvenir snow globes depicting Miami.

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