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The Department of Homeland Security has issued an alert warning that violent right-wing

extremists may do untold damage to our country before the Democrats have a chance to destroy

it completely. President Biden moved quickly to meet the threat by signing an entire ream

of absurd executive orders in the hope he could reduce the nation to rubble before conservatives

have a time to attack it. Although Biden said he did not have the opportunity to read

the executive orders he signed, he hoped Americans would help him achieve his goals by just

assuming they're now out of work. The White House says America is facing four simultaneous

crises, which it listed in order of complete insignificance as one, some made up nonsense

about the weather, be a hysterical fantasy about black people, for a growing shortage of

enane slogans designed to make us hate one another, and for again, the fact that the President's

plan to tackle the pandemic consists largely of wearing so many masks, no one will understand

him when he says that everyone is going to die. To tackle these and other looming rhetorical

boondoggles, the White House declared Wednesday climate day. When in order to ensure the continued

existence of air, the President would destroy the energy sector. He would then blow on

a pinwheel to generate enough electricity to turn on a flashlight so unemployed oil workers

could see their way to sticking their heads in their gas ovens, which of course would now

...