Recently, I'm getting a lot of questions about self-sabotage and why we do it, why we sabotage, why we make the same mistakes over and over and over again. So today I'm going to talk about self-sabotage, give you an example, and give you some very clear steps that you can take to stop making the same mistakes over and over again. First, I want to share a quote with you that I wrote and put out on

Instagram recently. They got a lot of attention and there were some follow-up questions.

So I wanted to address that here. So I wrote, self-sabotage is not meaningless. It is your

unconscious mind trying to resolve something that needs your attention. When you shame yourself

for the sabotage, you miss out on what needs attention and effort.

So when most people sabotage, if you're like most people, when you sabotage, you probably find

yourself saying, why did I do that, right? Why did I? Why did I sabotage? What's wrong with me? How could I?

Well, you know, you likely find yourself moving into a place of naturally shaming yourself for the behavior, for the action, for the decision, and you likely find yourself questioning why you did it in the first place.

Now, why did I sabotage is not an effective question, right?

Because for most intensive purposes, we sabotage in unconscious

ways. We've sometimes sabotage in conscious and very direct ways where we know that we're doing

something, we're observing ourselves doing it and we're like, I'm sabotaging right now. But for the

most part, we sabotage in unconscious ways. And we sabotage unconsciously because

there is something that needs our attention. There is something within us that is trying to be

resolved, rectified, bettered, worked on, accepted, embraced. And so the more effective

question to ask yourself when you catch yourself sabotaging or after having

sabotaged is not why am I sabotaging, but rather to ask yourself, what am I trying to resolve?

What is this behavior trying to resolve?

Or what am I trying to resolve by sabotaging?

So I'll give you a couple of examples of this.

Let's say that you're somebody that gets into relationships and you're needy, right? You get into

a relationship with somebody that you really like, that you want a relationship with, and you

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