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The Shift with Sam Baker

Emily Nagoski knows the surprising secret to long term intimacy - THE SHIFT REVISITED

The Shift with Sam Baker

Sam Baker Ltd

Society & Culture, Health & Fitness, Personal Journals

4.8525 Ratings

🗓️ 7 April 2026

⏱️ 56 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

This episode of The Shift first aired in June 2024. I first came across today’s guest, Dr Emily Nagoski, on this very podcast, when my then guest Sarah Knight (creator of the NoFucks Given franchise) raved about the transformational power of her runaway bestseller, Come As You Are. I hunted it down and, like millions of women the world over, I was blown away. A sex expert speaking our language? Taking the pressure off, rather than piling it on? Never! So when I heard that the Kinsey-educated sex educator had turned her attention to long term relationships in her new book, Come Together, I was obsessed. Not least because it turns out that sex experts are human too and Emily had experienced her own fallow period. But instead of wallowing in it or panicking or buying uncomfortable knickers, Emily used her own story of sexual disconnection and reconnection as an opportunity to look at what makes and breaks sexual connections. And guess what: it’s not what you think. Emily joined me from her home in New England to discuss coming out as a sex expert who lost her sex drive, taking the shoulds out of your sex life, why passion is overrated, how to get the weeds out of your sexual garden! being told she no longer had a “young vagina” And why she only has one inarguable piece of advice: lube is good! * You can buy all the books mentioned in this podcast at ⁠⁠⁠⁠The Shift bookshop on Bookshop.org⁠⁠⁠⁠, including Come As You Are and Come Together as well as the book that inspired this podcast, The Shift: how I lost and found myself after 40 - and you can too, by me. * If you enjoyed this episode and you fancy buying me a coffee, pop over to my page on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠buymeacoffee.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. • And if you'd like to support the work that goes into making this podcast and get a weekly newsletter plus loads more content including exclusive transcripts of the podcast, why not join The Shift community, come and have a look around at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.theshiftwithsambaker.substack.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ • The Shift is created, hosted and produced by Sam Baker and this episode was edited by Juliette Nicholls at Pineapple Audio Productions. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Jamie Lang and Sophie Haboo have arrived on Disney Plus.

0:04.5

We're having a baby.

0:05.5

We're having a baby.

0:07.2

I've always wanted to be mom.

0:09.4

And we're bringing you on our journey through everything.

0:12.4

I have no idea what we're doing.

0:13.6

Thank you. I have more of an idea.

0:15.6

I think of it like a Tamagocchi.

0:17.8

At the end of all of this...

0:20.0

We're going to have a little baby.

0:21.8

Raising Chelsea, a Hulu original series streaming exclusively on Disney Plus.

0:27.3

18 plus subscription required T's and T supply.

0:34.8

Hello and welcome to The Shift, the podcast that aims to tell the no-holds about truth about being a woman post-40, created and hosted by me, journalist and author, Sam Baker.

0:46.4

Now, I first came across today's guest, Dr. Emily Nagoski, on this very podcast, when my then guest Sarah Knight,

0:56.5

whose creator of the no-fucks given franchise,

1:00.6

raved about the transformational power of her runaway bestseller,

1:01.6

Come as You Are.

1:05.4

I hunted it down and like millions of women the world over,

1:06.8

I was blown away.

1:09.8

A sex expert who spoke our language?

1:13.2

Who took the pressure off rather than piling it on?

1:14.6

No way.

...

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