Welcome! Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the late show. I'm your host, Stephen Colbert,

and we are just one month, one month. We are one month past the 2022 election, which means

we are deep into the 2024 election. We've already got so many fantastic candidates to

choose from, from the old guy with a red tie to the old guy with a blue tie. But there's

one slightly less old guy making a name for himself in the GOP. It's Florida Governor

Ron DeSantis, seen here with, let's say, his Miami caught in a vice. New Wall Street Journal

Poll says that in a hypothetical GOP primary matchup, DeSantis beats the former president

52% to 38%. Yay! Also, maybe boo! It's hard to know who to root for here. It's like a

poll between gonorrhea and a slightly more racist gonorrhea. This is apologies to gonorrhea.

This is all because what were the insurrections in the Hitler dinners? Only the most conservative

voters are still backing the ex-president while DeSantis is trouncing him with voters who consider

themselves only somewhat conservative. Basically, the folks who don't support gay marriage, but think

Andy Cohen does a great job handling those housewives. So, to take full command of the GOP,

all DeSantis has to do is reel in the coveted conservative demographic of angry conspiracy

QAnon all-meat-diet-tandertestical boys. And his opening offer to all of them is calling for a

grand jury investigation of COVID vaccines. You stupid mother fizer.

You want an investigation? Let me save you some time and money. In the U.S. alone,

the COVID vaccines have saved more than three million lives and help prevent

18.5 million hospitalizations. And if that's not it up. And because idiots in your party politicize

the vaccine almost twice as many Republicans died from COVID before the midterms than the Democrats.

Y'all killed your own voters. It's the stupidest political strategy since the wig slogan of 1840,

TIP a canoe and taunt a grizzly. Still, DeSantis is pushing ahead on this nonsense,

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