DEI has hit Elijah Schaefer's nightly offensive show. My name is Top Lobster. I'm going to be filling in for Elijah for the foreseeable future. He's tied up in my basement right now. We're going to see how this shit goes, guys. Honestly, I don't know where Elijah is. I got a DM said, hey, do you want to come on the show? I showed up. He's not here. His producers are telling me one thing. I don't know what the fuck's going on. Can somebody pull up something, please? There's got to be some pictures to justify where he's at. He's in Las Vegas. I don't think he's doing this per se. He's, he's wrestling with Jake Shields. guys, this is not what I've heard. I don't think he's wrestling with him. I think he's getting armed-barred pretty savagely right there. Yeah. You can call it a type of wrestling, actually, what him and Jake Shields do. This is a disaster, guys. I'll tell my kids. I think we're going to get right. Let's just get into the show. Let's get into the show.

Welcome everybody to Nightly Offensive with Elijah Schaefer.

We are filling in for your favorite white supremacists,

and we are deciding to diversify our white supremacy by bringing in two

appearingly Latin men.

We have no idea what their nations of origin are,

but they're actually more racist than all of us, which makes us feel better about ourselves, which is why we affiliate with them. Thank you so much for tuning in. Make sure you hit that like button, hit them subscribe, share it around. I am Clint Russell. I'm the host of the best political show and co-host of Tower Gang. I am the hardest working man in sitting in front of my computer screen and screaming racial slurs at the world.

Thank you so much for tuning in. And as always, we are joined by Top Lobster, the progenitor of

Toploplopso.com, the finest wares in the podcasting land made of Jamaican men's tears.

We have Raven, who is the co-host of Nephilim Death Squad along with Top Lobster.

This is a very incestual podcasting circle, but he does that with Top Lobster.

He's also extraordinarily racist.

You guys are going to love him.

We've got Fat Comic Dave.

He is really, really jacked, but he's also 4'11, so don't let it go to his head. It's really easy to put on muscle mass when you're, like, clinically midget. Is he really jacked or is he just puffy? Because we were hanging out within real life, and you just look more like swollen than anything. It was hard to tell. I'm like the marshmallow man from the Ghostbusters. It's just like, it's just a little bit of water retention.

It's from the drinking. He's actually just allergic. This is real shit, though. When I, when I, when I saw him, what state were we just in? Atlanta. Yeah, we were in Atlanta. And I saw, yeah, we were in the state of Atlanta, right? And I, and I saw him, and I grabbed his muscles, and it just was like, went right through it.

So this man is made of fucking air.

And, uh, you know, like those Indians that just like pump oil into their muscles? He's one of those guys. Oh, yeah, the, uh, synthol. Yeah, dude, those guys are crazy. Yeah, that's, that's you and you're crazy. And as always, we are joined by the, uh, we just found out recently that he's an FBI agent, which is kind of disappointing. but he's also a degenerate gambler and totally suicidal to the very core of his being.

He's also running for president of the United States.

Yes.

Toad. Speech, speech, speech.

He's a milk Somalia.

...