And so for me, the issue really isn't about whether you should expect a lot or expect a little,

it's really being about strategic in the way that you're expecting things. Are you expecting

the sorts of things that the two of you that this particular relationship can actually deliver,

if so, then you should double down and expect those things and hope for greatness. And if

you're expecting things that are implausible, then you're probably ill advised to do so.

Hello and welcome to the Psychology Podcast. Today we welcome Eli Finkel on the show.

Eli is a professor at Northwestern University where he has appointments in the

Psychology Department and the Kellogg School of Management. In his role as director of Northwestern's

relationships and motivation lab, or RAM lab for short, he has published more than 160 scientific

papers and is a guest essayist for the New York Times. The economist acquired him, quote,

one of the leading lights in the realm of relationships psychology. His latest book is called

the All or Nothing Marriage. In this episode, I talked to Eli Finkel about how the best marriages work.

The institution of marriage has evolved throughout the decades. People used to tie the knot for

socioeconomic purposes, but nowadays, we seek to fulfill our higher need for self-actualization

in relationships. According to Eli, higher expectations are not necessarily bad for marriages

if people can use them strategically. Eli also shares love hacks we can implement to

improve our relationships with our partners. This episode is a long time coming. I've been

wanting to chat with Eli for a long time. I've been a long time admirer of his research. I find

his work incredibly nuanced and incredibly relevant, and so I really am excited to present

this episode to you today. So without further ado, I bring you Dr. Eli Finkel. Dr. Eli Finkel,

it is an honor to have you on the psychology podcast. That's a pleasure to be here. Thanks for

having me. We've wanted to talk for a while. Finally, it's finally the moment is here. Sure,

...